Touhou: Radiant and Powerful Entity
by Stevo's Stuff
Summary: Our heroes, Reimu and Marisa, need to solve an incident involving a fast-growing group of ruthless violent youkai. WARNING: very NSFW, in fact, probably not safe for anywhere else, either.
1. Chapter 1: Gap God

**Atuhor's Nose: I'm looking for beta readers for this fine tale. If you're interested, please give me a holler.**

Sister Reimu Hakurei woke up and noticed the nice meal on her table with a note on it. It was Yukari's thanks for letting her "borrow" some of Reimu's "sacrifices" for her own "rituals." The meal featured a single hot pancake, an ear of buttered corn, and a bowl of small brown balls floating in milk. She sat down to enjoy her treat.

After a nice breakfast of something other than the flesh of virgins, Reimu Hakurei mozied out to the front porch of her shrine. There, she saw Yukari entertaining the swelling congregation. The crowd of humans responded to the youkai's musings with falling prostrate and bowing before her.

"Fufufu," Yukari sniggered. "Reimu-chan, you have quite some followers."

Reimu looked at the crowd of sheep, heads down and arms out chanting "All hail the Goddess of the Gaps!" She facepalmed at what the clientele at the Hakurei shrine have become, a mess of idiots who would believe anything if they heard it from Yukarin~. "Hey, jizz breath," Reimu shouted at Yukari. "Get your filthy old fart paws away from my shit-for-brains sheeple!"

"Fufufu," Yukari repeated. "But they're so cute when they bow before me."

"WHORE!" Reimu floated over at breakneck speed and threw a fist at Yukari. The punch landed square in the gap youkai's mouth. Well, more precisely, it landed somewhere in her esophagus. The congregation lifted their heads and saw the miko trying to yank her arm out of the elder goddess' pie hole. Then something else lifted for whatever strange reason. For a good twenty seconds, Reimu pulled and pulled while Yukari grabbed the lodged arm with gag ans muffled groans. Finally, the miko fell back from the separation on her back, and the gap youkai's muffled groaning suddenly became gasping for air. The red-white stood back up, her arm covered up to the elbow with saliva. "Jun'ya Oota, goat fucker! I'm trying to Jew some pussy-ass niggas outta their crack money here!"

By then, Yukari completely regained her composure. This second wind endured even a hard wet pimp slap. She pulled out a handkerchief and wiped her face and lips. "Fufufu," Yukari fufufu'd. "I really like it when you're rough, Reimu-chan."

"Don't make me HAX sign your bitch ass," Reimu responded. The grudge ceased for a moment to notice a meteor coming down form the heavens. Suika wobbled out of the shrine, spilling another puddle of sake from her gourd of infinite booze. "Top o' the mornin' to ya, Raymoo," Suika greeted. "Oi see ya brought along a friend." The redhead oni fell on her face and giggled like an idiot.

Reimu sighed and stepped in front of Yukari for the crowd to see. "Brothers and sisters in armpits," she orated. "A dire time is nigh. Some higher power is out here to bring death to those who displease it. If you want to be saved, you all need to leave and prepare an offering to it."

The congregation dispersed in a moment. Reimu grumbled to herself, "That's right, bitches. Fuck off and eat a bag of potato dicks."

Yukari pulled out her fan and tried to look fancy. "Listen, Reimu-chan, I really would like to help you in this sticky situation, but I have more pressing matters, like the fine Mexican tradition of siesta. Later, honey bunches of oats~" And with that, she slipped into her gap dimension and shut it off.

Reimu tried to beat the no longer existent gap with her gohei. "You cunts for ears! Get your zav-drinking cunt powers back here and help me stop this celestial turd from fucking up my shit!"

The meteor finally landed with an explosion that would make Hiroshima look like a firecracker. Strangely enough, the only thing that was affected at all by the explosion was the Hakurei shrine.

"Yeshua bin Yoseph," Reimu screamed. "Every fucking time my pinche shrine goes down like Marisa on a legion of boners!"

Among the rubble that was once Reimu's residence, some debris shook and shuffled. A moment later, a witch hat sprouted up from the site of agitation. From that hat a familiar head with dirty blond locks emerged from underneath. "Did someone call?" Marisa shouted to Reimu and Suika with a grin.

"Oy, it's Marisa the Ardin'ry Witch." Suika replied. "Hoe's me good friend doin' today?"

"Oh, I was stealing some books from the Voile Library when I noticed-"

"You shut your whore mouth this instant!" Reimu told Marisa. "I'd rape you right now if it weren't fucking impossible!"

"But, Reimu, my broski," Marisa pouted. "I have to tell you about an incident."

"What's incidental right now is that fact that I can't have any more donations because your dicks-for-brains fucked up my shelter!"

Marisa looked around the area for a moment. "Say, what happened to your shrine?"

"Ya were floyin' through the air when ya soddenly crash-landed into the shroine," Suika explained. "Now ya gonna get murdered."

"I'll kill you with my own two hands, ya kike's foreskin!" Reimu ran to Marisa trying to step over the rubble.

"Wait, Reimu, I'll make sure it gets rebuilt, but hear me out! It's for the sake of your sacrifices!"

Reimu stopped for a moment and lifted her foot when noticing that she stepped on something particularly soft. They were going to die anyway, but seeing the dirty, lifeless face of one of of her sacrifices brought to the beyond by her stupid cohort rather than her personally interrupted her moment of solace with a boiling visceral anger. "If your intelligence, or lack thereof, won't piss me off from its uselessness, I might spare your asshole from a sulfuric acid and AIDS-tainted gohei."

"Get this:" Marisa chuckled in nervousness while still armpits deep in what used to be a Shinto shrine. "I was chillin' down at the Voile Library gettin' ready to borrow some Chuck Palahniuk when I heard screaming down at the 800's. I ran over too see what the case was, and I noticed that purple bean sprout and her succubus droog being violated by these youkai that I've never seen before. So I decided to give those culprits the ol' annihilation of love. When I went up to the two devochkas after the little incident, they stood up and thanked me for my amazing heroism. They then offered me their bodies, which made me be all like, 'double-you tee fuck?' 'cause I just saved them from bring raped, so the last thing they would want is more of the ol' in-out-in-out. Anyway, the peculiar part of this story, oh my sisters and only friends, is that it set off my incident instinct."

Reimu's irritated scowl turned into a shocked cringe. "Incident?" She told Marisa. "So now I have to give a shit from a flying rat's ass whether some ugly-ass bitch and her sex slave get raped?"

Marisa leaned forward as far as her piled-under position can allow her. "Incident instinct, homegirl. Something's up, and it's up to us to fix it!"

"Ok, fine. If you say so. But after we figure out this shit," Reimu plants her foot on Marisa's forehead and pushes it back. "Your ass is fixing this pile of holy shit."

"Cool beans," Marisa grunted while taking Reimu's shoe. "How's about I take you to the watering hole and treat you to some redheaded sluts?"

Suika perked from Marisa's sycophancy. "Oy, Reimu already has one o' these roight here!"

"Fine, you ingrown pube." Reimu lifted her foot from the black-white. "I'll see you when you find your way outta this malebolge." Reimu turned and walked up to Suika. She bumped her with an elbow and continued walking. "C'mon, ya shit-faced shit," Reimu summoned. "We're headed to Chin-Chin's retardation factory."

Reimu and Suika walked away from the ruins of the Hakurei shrine, leaving Marisa to fend for herself to try to get out of the rubble.


	2. Chapter 2: Bar Joke

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead walk into a bar. The bartender was grilling up some lamprey eel to the tune of To Thee We Sing from Sergei Rachmaninov's Liturgy of St. John. The brunette straddled the center stool and rested her head on the table face-first with a thud. The blonde slid in to the brunette's left and reclined an elbow on the bar top. The redhead hopped to her seat to the right of the pair. The barkeep diverged her attention form her grill with a fully-cooked lamprey eel and sang the finishing note to her beautiful siren call. "A fahn evenin' t' y'all, ladies," the barkeep greeted the trio.

"Yo, Susan Boyle," the blonde said. "Get my friend here a shot of somethin' tasty."

"Vishnu's floppy tits..." The brunette grumbled under her breath.

"Ah ain't eva heard o' thayut drank befo'," the barkeep remarked from the brunette's coprolalic tic.

"Gimme the hardest drink ya got, if ya please," the redhead chirped.

"...And a Three Wise Men for me," the blonde requested slapping her palm on the bar top in excitement.

The barkeep just stared at them, disappointed that none of them wanted her signature grilled lamprey eel. Sighing, she put the two eels on a plate and prepared their alcoholic beverages. The redhead watched in awe drooling over the barkeep's prowess-saturated ability to manipulate alcohol. The blonde looked around, tapping her fingers on the bar top, and the brunette had her face on the bar top the whole time. The barkeep then served the clients their drinks. Refusing to move any other part of her body, the brunette raised her arm to grab her drink. She tapped her fingers on how cold the glass is and how... unusually large the drink is for a shot. The blonde sipped on her shot like it was a fine wine, while the redhead just downed hers. "So," the barkeep chirped. "Is there anythin' else y'all want raht neh?"

"I think we'll order another drink once we're done with these babies," the blonde said while taking another sip of her nasty set of shots.

The brunette tilted her head to see the strange fluid contained within her glass. It was an opaque white viscous drink. Her weary, depressed face turned into one fraught with shock and disbelief. "What the fuck is this shit?" she inquired.

"Oh, that's sumthin' they call 'Youkai Yogurt'," the barkeep answered. "It's an import from anotha Gensokyo."

The brunette kept her eyes and hand on the glass and her cheek on the bar top. She sighed then finally sat up normally. Staring at the glass skeptically, she brought the glass to her nose and gave it a few staccato sniffs. She leaned back and grimaced harder. and brought her drink to the redhead. "You drink this shit and try not to drown in a pool of your own puke," the brunette offered.

The redhead swiped the Youkai Yogurt and guzzled it down with streams spilling over her cheeks. She then slammed the glass on the table with a belch.

"Goes doan salty," the redhead remarked.

"Hey, fuck face," the brunette said to the blonde. "How in Hades did you stop sodomizing all that wood?"

The blonde leaned over to the brunette, feeling slightly tipsy at that moment. "Magic, ze."

"Yes, I know," replied the brunette. "But how the FUCK did you get out of the rubble, nigger-honky?"

"It's magic. I ain't gotta explain shit."

The brunette stared at the blonde with a gaze of immense rage. She then ordered a tall bottle of sake and started munching on the lamprey eel that was sitting on top of the bar unattended. She could tell that one of the eels was pure, having become quite the connoisseur of pure creatures. The redhead wobbled in her stool, gripping onto it with her hands and riding it like a rodeo machine. "Oi want another bottle o' the good stoff! Oi'll drink me some maiden milk!"

The other three could not help but contain their laughter. Even though everyone in the facility was apparently Japanese (Truth be told, the blonde is totally a Yankee, the barkeep is a sparrow, and the redhead is a demon, because she's a redhead.) even among as modest of a people, she still gets infinite flack for being flatter than an eight-year-old in-heat soda. This situation was no exception. "Cause you can't make your goddamn own, you titless malako," the brunette insulted.

The redhead was too drunk to care. "You mean the Youkai Yogurt, lil' girl?" the barkeep said.

"Aye, same diff," the redhead drooled while leaning forward. Her saliva spilled on the bar top. "Oi love me some youkoi yogurt 'coz it gets me dronk!"

The barkeep poured the redhead another tall bottle of maiden milk. She squeezed the tap with a cringe, and the youkai yogurt shot out into the container. She served it to the redhead who had bright eyes and a gaping, smiling mouth. Of course, the redhead downed this one, too.

After about an hour of eating and drinking, the bar top piled with glasses and plates. The blonde and brunette were still very aware and far from slammed, but the same could not be said about the redhead. She mumbled a few incoherent grunts then toppled over unconscious. The barkeep kept carrying the overwhelming pile of dirty dishes to soak in the sink while singing Ave Marisa. The amazing beauty of the performance caused the blonde to shed manly tears. "Hey, Pavarotti," the blonde addressed the barkeep between sobs. "That was bloody beautiful. Could you sing me some IOSYS next?"

"Well, ya dun realleh... sang... IOSYS," the barkeep told the blonde. "What'cha realleh do is squeal it lahk a wahny lil' schoolgirl."

The blonde sipped her dark drink in a shot glass while nodding in understanding. The brunette just stared a thousand-yard stare at the pile of dirty dishes. "So, pisshead," the brunette said, keeping her forward gaze. "How the kuso are you gonna not be broke as Greece after this mouth fuck?"

"I'll find a way," the blonde replied with a smirk. "I'm actually borrowing these drinks, so I'll give them back when I'm done with them, ze."

The barkeep understood the implications from the drunken blonde. She grabbed a pair of tongs and extracted a hot ember from the grill. The whole time, she was staring at the blonde with difficult-to-supress rage. All the while, three youkai sneaked into the bar and took their seats. They all were carrying tacky, tattered umbrellas and are dressed to match such tackiness. The blonde and the brunette took a gaze and gave no further interest to the sight. The brunette leaned back, the swung forward. "Fuckin' incidents," the brunette sighed while hanging her head. "The only lead we got is your dick dickery."

The blonde grimaced for a moment then sipped her shot. She had a very strange feeling about the atmosphere, and she knew what this feeling was. "Yo, Reimu," the blonde nudged the brunette.

"Eat a dick."

"Something's setting off my incident instinct."

"Ya know what? You really wanna know the fuck what, dick pickle? I honestly don't give a shit right now. In fact, it isn't fuckin' logically possible for me to give less of a shit. I give an infinite negative shit. I don't think your FAS-tainted guano-for-brains can't begin to grasp how much I really, _really_ don't give even the slightest shit. My 'incident instinct' can go fuck itself. In fact, it can go gang rape that sparrow as we speak!"

Then the three umbrella-clad youkai leaped over the bar top and grabbed at the barkeep. She dropped her dishes and tongs with a smash and screamed. Before having a chance to fly away for fight back, two of the youkai grabbed her by each arm and pinned her down to the bar top. Then all three started tearing off her brown and pink clothes.

The blonde slammed her empty shot on the table and ran over to the scene. Before she could get any further than two paces, the brunette grabbed her by her dress and yanked the blonde back. "What the heck are you doing?" the blonde shouted. "She's being attacked!"

"We have a boner to jam shit down its pisshole with this bitch," the brunette replied before spitting into the pile of dirty dishes.

"Eeeek! Someone, please, Ah need some doggone help!" the barkeep screamed as the umbrellas were yanking off her undergarments. She struggled to break free while flapping her tiny wings, but her arms were pinned to the bar stool. The brunette just watched the scene while shaking the blonde she was carrying. All sorts of nick-knacks fell from the blonde's pockets, but not a single yen. The brunette looked over at the pile for a moment with a stoic gaze then turned back to the barkeep and the umbrella youkai. By then, the barkeep was buck naked and being fondled and smacked. "Hey, Chin-chin," the brunette called out. "You want us to help you? Then you gotta make a deal."

"What in all Hell?" the barkeep screamed until she felt an invasion from her underneath. "WHAT IN ALL HELL!" she screamed more loudly.

"Now," the brunette said. "If you wanna keep this from becoming a sticky situation, you'll have to pay up your protection money."

"Protection Money? Since when did-" The barkeep's strangely coherent speech was muffled by genitalia to her face.

"Yes, protection money. And to top this off, this meal and booze should be free of charge for all three of us."

And even though she was being forced to love an umbrella with her mouth, the barkeep was still able to speak clearly to the brunette. "Fahn, fahn, Ah'll do whateva ya want, jes' git 'em ta stawp!"

The brunette let go of the blonde, and the two conscious clients ran up and beat the everliving various bodily fluids out of the umbrella youkai, much to the barkeep's dismay. The beating and maiming broke down the umbrellas to the point of liquefaction. The bar was spattered with bloody red youkai goop, especially the blonde, the brunette and the barkeep. The brunette grunted in anger while the blonde sighed in tire. "Well, that was pretty messy, ze," said the blonde.

"Now I remember why I shat out spell 'tard rules," the brunette "These cock-titted youkai bleed too fucking much."

The barkeep stood up leaning her arms on the bar top. She breathed heavily while wiping her tears and some youkai blood off her cheek. Her lip quivered while trying to let out a word for a moment, then finally spoke up. "Th- thank y'all fa' savin' me," the barkeep told the blonde and brunette after being violated.

"Whatever, dick sauce," the brunette grunted while wiping the gunk off her armpit. "Now make me a redheaded slut and clean up this bloody mess, wanker."

"Can Ah at least git a bayuth and some sleep?"

The brunette cringed then pulled down her skirt and bloomers. The barkeep almost fell back on her behind in shock. "Ok, ok!" The barkeep screeched. "Ah'll make ya drank! An- an' ya won't be payin' fa' anythang!"

The brunette slowly re-dressed herself. The blonde found the redhead in the mess of gore and pulled her upright before she drowned in that pool. The brunette finished her drink, and the three living clients left the bar, with the blonde dragging the unconscious redhead across the floor, holding her by the horn.


	3. Chapter 3: Tied Up

"Fucking fuck motherfucking motherfuckers motherfucking motherfucking motherfuckers, fuck fucker!" Reimu said.

"Hey now, Reimu, I'm giving you a place to live 'till we get the shrine fixed." Marisa slurred while looking for her house's door. She groped in darkness on her facade for a solid minute, leaning on the wall for support. She felt up the front of the house for a solid minute until Riemu got sick of her drunken idiocy. She grabbed Suika and dragged her to the front door and grabbed the knob. Surprisingly the door was unlocked. Reimu opened the door to the Kirisame residence and tugged Suika along with her inside.

Marisa ran up to Reimu at the front door. She giggled at her friend's success at doing what she should have done. Reimu turned to Marisa with her continued malcontent. "We should've kept one of those cock-headed rapists alive for beating some fucking answers outta their shit-filled skulls," Reimu yelled at Marisa.

"At least we did some youkai hunting today. "Marisa reassured Reimu. "We haven't done any of that since before the whale penis incident."

Reimu walked into Marisa's house with her new responsibility of escorting the drunk oni. She threw Suika into a pile of particularly sharp jewelry and regalia, making a loud clang. The place was a mess, with stuff piled high everywhere, from books to precious things to unwashed dishes to unwashed toys. "This place is full of shit," Reimu thought. "Just like that cockmongling witch."

"Sorry I ain't got anywhere nice you can crash tonight," Marisa said while raising her hands behind her hand. "But you can sleep in this magical ball I'm borrowing from MANnosuke." Marisa grabbed a sphere off one of her cluttered shelves. It was red at the upper hemisphere an white at the lower, complete with a white band and a white button on the front. She presented it to the miko, who stared at the device with immense disappointment. "How in the six whore-mongering moons am I supposed to fuck or dream of fucking on that testis?"

Marisa threw the ball up into the air and caught it with one hand. "Like this, ze." Marisa pushed the button and the orb opened up with a beam of bright seizure-inducing light. The light engulfed Reimu and sucked her into the delicious candy hollow center. The ball closed with a click, and Marisa examined it. She grinned and placed the magical ball where her last put it.

Reimu had quite the acid trip until finding herself in a strange, unfamiliar, but déjà vu-inducing location. She noticed that it was a granite building with wooden doors, and it was full of various folks in ceremonial garb. She brandished her gohei and searched the area for anywhere to rest her head. Utilizing her intuition, she ventured down one of the longer, more monotonous corridors.

Meanwhile, Marisa was hanging her hat and throwing her broomstick in its usual resting place while walking into her bedroom to retire for the night. She clumsily leaned on the doorway and grabbed for one of her buttons. As she was about to unbutton her front dress, She noticed an unusual figure on top of her bed. It looked familiar with her blonde messy bob and headband, but what was peculiar took Marisa a moment to put her finger on. She took a few steps closer, watching the tied up form huff louder and louder. Then she realized through her tipsy haze and darkness of her bedroom at night that it was none other than her good friend Alice Margatroid. On top of that, she was only wearing lacy lingerie and bondage. Alice twitched about and muffled loudly, but her words were unintelligible underneath her ball gag. Marisa untied the gag.

"Aah! Ahhh! Marisaaaa~" Alice screamed while shaking about in her bondage. Her hands were tied above her head to the bedposts, and each foot was tied to each bottom post, forcing her to have her legs spread. She was also wearing a blindfold and a collar with "Property of Marisa" on the heart-shaped tag. "Marisa-chaaan! Fuck me! Fuck me hard! I wanna be violated by youuu~! Oh, Marisa~ MARISAAA! Have your way with m-"

Marisa immediately re-applied the ball gag and turned her back for a moment to change into her pajamas. She turned her head back to Alice, who was still tied to her bed, screaming through her gag and by now wetter than the ocean. Having her overdress partially unbuttoned, She rushed back to Alice and grabbed for the strap on the ball gag. "Calm down for a moment, ze." Alice almost done came from hearing Marisa go "ze." "Now, I'm going to ask you a few questions, and I want you to answer them, ok?"

Marisa yanked off the ball gag again. "Ho, hoho, nhooo! I'll tell you anything you want, Marisaa~"

"How the heck did you end up like this?"

"I made my dolls tie me to your bed when you were away, Marisa-chan! I did it to please you~"

Now, there's a little something you need to know about Marisa Kirisame. She is a complete sucker for slutty little bitches who overwhelmingly submit themselves to her hawtness. This occasion is no exception. Marisa wasn't exactly in the mood for anything other than a two-way ticket to Dream Land, but here's a woman who literally had her legs spread for her the moment she entered begging her for sexy time. "Marisa! Please~" Alice groaned. "I'll go crazy if you don't fuck me! Please do it!"

Marisa stood there holding the ball gag in both hands, trying to give herself more time to think. But holy shit, Alice. Tied up. To your bed. With wet panties. Begging you. Marisa could not resist for a moment longer. Sexy intercourse was more important than getting a good night's sleep.

Marisa stuffed the ball gag back in Alice's mouth and threw her wardrobe aside. She ran out of the bedroom for but a moment. She returned wearing her witch's hat, 'cause Marisa Kirisame doesn't fuck without her fucking hat. She leaped into the air, did a barrel roll, then landed on the bed, crouching over Alice without touching her, except for a hand grabbing one of her boobies for balance. Alice let out a muffled scream and arched back from the sudden grab. Marisa grabbed the brim of her hat with her free hand a tipped it, looking down at Alice with a mischievous grin. "It's Marisa time, bitch."

Marisa grabbed Alice's panties and yanked them to her knees. She gave a close examination at the now exposed area. It looked like it was ready to burst at any moment. With meticulous care, Marisa gently laid the pad of her finger on top of the slit. This caused Alice to buck her hips and legs and arch her back while a geyser of juice gushed forth and doused the black-white like a fire hose. After about thirty seconds of the unexpectedly early shower, Marisa shook her head, making juices fly everywhere off her hair and face. She pulled off the ball gag, causing Alice's heaving breathing and moaning to become loud. "Ho! Hah! Marisa~ That feels so goo-"

Marisa gagged Alice yet again. This time, not with the ball gag, she instead stuffed her womanhood on Alice's mouth. Alice muffled for a moment, then licked at Marisa, savoring her deliciousness. Marisa grunted and bit her lip from the stimulation and grabbed Alice's head, weaving her hair between her fingers. She fucked Alice's face with reckless abandon while Alice stuck out her tongue, prodding for it to go deeper and deeper inside Marisa. Then she could hold it in no longer. Marisa shivered and clenched her fists, pulling Alice's hair. Her eyes quivered and her tongue hung out of her mouth drooling as she got off gallons into Alice's mouth. Her stiff body relaxed in response to the intense orgasm ceasing. She stood back and stared at Alice's face for a moment while recollecting herself. Alice coughed and gagged while swallowing up as much of Marisa's juice as youkaily possible. Marisa chuckled from the sight while Alice continued to hyperventilate.

"I'm far from done with you, ze." Marisa reminded Alice. She reached behind Alice and untied her bra. She threw it off her to reveal Alice's beautifully average breasts, moving up and down from her huffing and moaning. Marisa drooled and gazed. Alice's tatas was hers for the taking. She grabbed Alice's breasts greedily, one in each hand and rubbed them in her palms. She squeezed them, pressed them, kneaded them. Alice the whole time, was continuing to have trouble catching her breath. Marisa then cupped her hands underneath and teased the nipples with each forefinger. Alice screamed louder and called out for Marisa. The witch suddenly stopped moving. She had a wonderful idea.

The black-white grabbed the blindfold with one hand and pulled it off Alice, then threw it aside. Alice looked around for a moment, then finally saw the woman on top of her. "Oh, Marisa! You look beautiful~."

"Now, Alice," Marisa snickered through her grin. She lifted her free hand, still keeping the other on Alice's chest. "I took that off, 'cause I want you to see what I'm going to do to you, ze." Marisa's raised hand lowered its ring finger. Alice's eyes widened from seeing the gesture, not knowing what was coming (Oh, come on, what else is gonna come in a situation like this, Ms. Margatroid?).

Marisa scooted back with one hand still grabbing Alice's breast. She lowered her three-fingered hand between Alice's legs, Alice trying to close them to no avail. Marisa gave Alice an extreme shocker, making her scream and stiffen and her juices to spring forth at a more violent rate. Marisa played with Alice's breasts with one hand while jack-hammering her underside with the other. Alice was at her mercy. All she could do was squirm and moan. "Oho! Ah! Ooh! Marisa! Yes! YES! MARISAA~~"

That was when Marisa pulled another trick. While pounding away with two fingers in Alice's pink and a third in her stink, she lifted her thumb then laid it right on Alice's clitoris. Her thumb rubbed on top of Alice's bud at the same pace as the rest of her hand.

Just a few seconds of this technique pushed Alice to her limit. She came again. She came just as hard as earlier, squirting her juices all over Marisa and herself. She flopped out again with eyes glazed and barely open. Then Marisa put her hand up to Alice's face, waving the hand in front of her. "Clean it up," Marisa ordered.

Alice lifted her head a little and stuck out her tongue. She started licking up all of her impurities off of Marisa's paw. She let Marisa stick her fingers in her mouth, and gave each of them a good sucking. She even gave attention to the pinkie, which was up her butthole beforehand. The hand then patted the top of her head. "Good doggie," Marisa derided. She then untied one of Alice's feet to the bedpost and propped it up. "But I'm not quite finished with you, ze."  
>"Marisa..." Alice softly groaned. "I can't handle any more. Fuck, you're driving me crazy!"<p>

Marisa wrapped one arm around Alice' lifted leg and grabbed her ass with the other. "Too bad. You'll have to satisfy me one more time." Marisa leaned inward and slapped her womanhood against Alice's. Alice gasped as she let out even more of her nectar. Marisa rubbed up against Alice at a steady pace, the both grunting intensely. She picked up the pace gradually up to a loud, thumping, rapid beat. "Oh! Ah! Marisa!" Alice shouted. "Oh! Oh, God! Oh, Hell! Oh, crap! Oh, shit! Oh, fuck! Oh, shnikies! Marisa, I'm gonna! Gonna!"

"Again? This... early?" Marisa groaned in response through her teeth. She leaned in closer, bending Alice's leg farther. She reached back her hand and slapped Alice's ass. "You whore! Take it! Take it!"

"Ah! AHH! Marisa! Fuck!"

After playing with and tribbing with Alice for quite some time, Marisa finally felt sweet release. Her juices clashed with Alice's causing a wet, sloppy mess. For a moment, the two were in heaven. Marisa's head felt light, and she fell on top of Alice, causing the bound puppeteer to lose her breath for a moment. Alice continued hyperventilating, but Marisa completely passed out. Alice looked at Marisa for a moment while she was still tied up and thought, "Well, that wasn't quite what I expected, but it was still flippin' awesome!" Alice squirmed under Marisa and nuzzled her cheek against the witch's. She then laid her head on the pillow for some rest with her partner still on top and her still in bondage.


	4. Chapter 4: First Step

Marisa walked out of her room fully clothed but with her hair still wet from her showering. She felt in her gut the false malaise of a stillborn hangover. She used a magic spell to summon the almighty power of four mushroom omelets with bacon, hash browns and hollandaise (It's not jizz this time; I swear!) and large mugs of black coffee. She went into what could be called her living room if it weren't just another storage area and grabbed the magical orb.

Marisa looked at the ball with perplexity. She then sighed heavily then grabbed the brim of her hat. With a turn of her cap she cocked her arm back, then shouted, "Reimu, I choose you!" Then she threw the ball wherever was in front of her.

Suika rose from the pile of shiny trinkets and precious items with her hand on her forehead and a tiara dangling from her right horn. She dropped her hand in tire are looked up at her environment. Then a red and white orb beaned her in the forehead and made her fall back into the pile of expensive items with a shot of her bloomers. After the ricochet, the orb landed with a slight roll, then popped open like Pacman.

The shining beam of magical light spewed out the shrine maiden contained inside. Reimu knelt with one hand behind her positioning her gohei between her legs. The gohei was covered in lube and feces and straddled directly underneath the miko. Her right arm gripped a bottle of fine vodka, and a thick white lit joint were clamped between her teeth. Her mouth sucked up and puffed out fumes to her breathing. She thrusted her hips forward aggressively and slapped herself between the legs with the positioned staff. Reimu grunted between gasps, "Shut your man whore mouth about piety, bitch! I fuckin' know you like-"

Reimu's gyrations and groaning suddenly stopped like someone pressed the Escape key during the middle of her shenanigans. She looked around, noticing Suika and Marisa. She stood up and brushed off her grossly stained miko outfit. "I was busy, fuck face," Reimu told Marisa.

"Whoa, Reimu, you look like you've been through Hell," Marisa responded at Reimu's appearance. "You should clean up before anything else!"

"Go make a human centipede with your harem, bitch tits." Reimu rested her gohei on her shoulder, then utilized one of Marisa's shiny thieved goods for a mirror. She noticed the stains all over her face and clothes. "Fuck."

"Actually," Marisa summoned her friend. "I think I have a little trick up my sleeve." Marisa used magic to clean up Reimu.

Reimu, Marisa, Suika and Alice sat around the tiny kitchen table with their identical breakfasts. Suika rubbed her forehead and swigged from her gourd of infinite saké. Alice licked up the hollandaise from her fork while staring seductively at Marisa. Reimu stabbed the piece of omelet she cut out and lifted it to her mouth. Marisa tapped her fork on her plate while chewing on a bite of hash browns. Reimu gave an unamused gaze at Alice, who returned to a plain demeanor. "So..." Alice tried to start some conversation from the awkwardly quiet breakfast table. "I heard that there was a sudden rise in rape cases as of late. I don't think y'all should go out alone at night for some time. I don't want any of you guys to get violated."

"The fuck are you talking about?" Reimu opined. "Now's a fucking better time than any to be out when you can't see shit and get yourself some nice dick for free!"

Alice stared at Reimu in shock. Marisa continued with her meal, and Suika continued with her drinking. "So," Suika said. "Where are we goin' next ta look fer any clues on the incident?"

"Well, considering our first knowledge of it was in the Scarlet Devil Mansion," Marisa responded. "And I can get some info quite easily from them because of my reputation as a great magician and incident solver and not having anything to do with any secret society, I'm thinking we go there for some more information."

Alice's eye's lit up. She clapped her hands and squealed in excitement, "Oooh, an incident! Can I join you guys? I would really love to help out my Marisa~." She leaned over and nuzzled her cheek on Marisa's shoulder.

"Fuck, no!" Reimu sneered while jamming her fork in another bite of her omelet. "I already have these two fuckheads dicking around while I'm trying to get shit done. I don't need your bitch ass dry-humping that jizz stain."

Alice pouted and swung her fists down. "Fine, then I'll just go tear down your shrine!"

"Go right ahead, you Aryan whore," Reimu trolololed with her mouth full of delicious omelet. Suika wobbled around in her chair, then finally started on her breakfast. Marisa swallowed her bite and pointed her fork forward emphatically, "So, I was thinking: when we get to the SDM, first thing we do is look around for any physical clues, and maybe head to the Voile library to the scene of the crime."

"Woi don't we jost ask that vampoire if she knows anything aboat it," Suika argued. "If she won't talk, we'll jost give 'er some good ol' drinky to loiten her spirits."

"Ok, then!" Marisa grinned. "We'll barge right in and demand answers!"

"Not a chance in Hell," Reimu countered. "Let's ask that chink first. Then that little vampire bitch'll be all like 'U~~ U~ Sakuya-san! Those completely badass motherfuckers are here to skull fuck me again! U~~~~!' That way, that pompous loli fag raper will tell us what any of those shmucks at that stupid aristocratic santorum connoisseur palace know!"

Marisa and Suika just finished off their breakfasts, knowing not to question the Goddamn Raymoo. Alice however, thought that she actually had a say in this cunning plan. "What makes you think that Reimilia Scarlet would cooperate with you?"

Reimu stopped her focus on her breakfast and turned her eyes up to Alice. "Oh, she will, goat fucker," Reimu reassured Alice. "That abomination will."

So Reimu and her posse danubed to the Scarlet Devil Mansion. They stopped at the front gate, and noticed that it was especially locked up. Standing in front of the mansion gate as usual is the guard of the mansion who was just about the sexiest person at that prestigious manor. She leaned on the front gate with her head forward. Reimu walked up to the guard and slapped her across the face. "Wake the fuck up, Nanking."

Hong Meiling rubbed her sore cheek. "I was no sleep," she told Reimu. "I wake. You no see my eye open?"

One problem with the gate guard of the Scarlet Devil Mansion is that because of the structure of her face, it's very difficult to determine whether she had her eyes open or shut. Marisa walked up and gave Hong Meiling a grin. "'Sup, China?"

"My name no China. It Hong Meiling. Get it light prease."

Marisa looked around for a moment, then cleared her throat. "Well, Hong Meiling. Is there anything you may know about the current rapetastic incident going on right now?"

"Werr..." Hong Meiling answered. "I know youkai come to me for happy ending, but I use Ancient Chinese Seclet Kung Fu and they go inside Scarret Dever Mansion and no me."

"Wait, so you haven't been affected this whole time?"

"No," Meiling corrected surprisingly, "I get lape by Sakuya-san. She love me long time."

"Let's ditch this fuck face," Reimu said while beginning to float.

"Wait minute," Meiling grabbed Reimu's leg and yanked her down. "I escort you to mansion. Where you want go?"

"Lemme see the cock-mongling master of this shithole!" Reimu squirmed in the dragon youkai's hand.

"Which master you talk about?"

"The loli slut who isn't a psycho bitch?"

"I stirr no know who you say."

"With the dumb ass-hat."

"What you say?" If Meiling persisted in stopping Reimu any longer, she would have no chance to survive make her time.

"Remilia, you dumb cunt!" Reimu screamed mad.

"Ooh, you want see Lemiria," Meiling said with perk. She pinned Riemu's feet to the ground. "Here, I go show her you. Stand back." Meiling posed before the gate to the mansion. She slowly windmilled her arms and moved her bent leg in front of her groin, all the while making weird Chinese noises. Her weird ceremonial dance continued while our three protagonists looked on. "So what are ya doin' there with yer fancy little dancing?" Suika inquired.

Meiling locked completely still in a martial arts pose facing the mansion gate. Without turning her head, she answered. "Speak fliend and entah!" She waved her hands in front of her with her palms out. "PANG JAO~~~~" Then Meiling stepped forward pushing her palms out, and the mansion gate swung open as if a mighty wind coerced it to budge. She returned to standing position and turned to the three visitors. "Ok," she told them. "I take you go see Rady Lemiria now."

Meanwhile, Remilia Scarlet sat in her throne room trying to look like a complete badass, though no one is watching and a little girl in a pink dress and poofy hat like her can never look badass. She crossed her legs and sipped her tea which was made of blood but actually tasted like regular tea which defeats the purpose of making it out of blood. She turned her head to the elegant table to her right. "So," Remilia told the table. "I heard you were dating a nice intellectual girl. Einstein, I believe her name was."

"Yes, milady. Nina Einstein!" The table replied with its jazzy 70's Negro baritone. "She and I are gonna have another date this Saturday. She's been making me know how dead sexy I am, so I'm think that night we'd, you know..."

"I see." Remilia took another sip of her blood tea with her pinky out. She then noticed how she doesn't have enough blood tea in her cup of blood tea. "Sakuya!" She summoned.

"I'm coming!" A voice in the distance screamed out. An idle moment occurred in the throne room with loud groaning in the distance, then screaming bloody murder. A split second later, Sakuya Izayoi, appeared next to Remilia in all her perfect elegance, except for a small glob of white fluid running from her lip. "Good morning, mistress," the maid bowed to her master. "The weather sure is rape today!"

"Yeah, I know that," Remilia scolded her maid. "I just need some more tea."

Sakuya realized that there was something on her face. She wiped off the white stuff with her finger then licked it up. She moaned in pleasure, enjoying its bitter and slightly salty taste. She then used time magic to summon a pot of blood tea on a tray with crumpets and other British things on it. She grabbed the teapot originating somewhere orbiting the Sun between the Earth and Mars and filled Reimilia's cup of blood tea. "Is there anything else you rape, mistress?" Sakuya asked.

"No, Sakuya. I'm just fine," Remilia replied while sipping the fresh cup of Russel's blood tea. Suddenly, Patchouli punched down the throne room doors. She posed with her GAR sunglasses and fists clenched, with her library assistant leaning over taking a peek into the throne room while standing behind her superior. "I have some insight pertaining to the recent incident," she informed Remilia and Sakuya as the smoke cleared from her Falcon Punch. She strutted toward the throne with her red-haired assistant following behind with a few books in her arms. She stopped before the vampire and looked up with a grin. Just then, Hong Meiling came in with a kiai and a Kung Fu kick. Upon landing, she made a fancy pose at Remilia, Sakuya and Patchouli. "Lemiria-san," Meiling said. "We have guest who want see you!"

"Meiling, you stupid Chinese whore!" Remilia insulted. "I told you not to let anyone in, especially considering how the weather is very rape outside!"

"No, it no lape youkai," Meiling bowed to the enthroned mistress. "It fliend Leimu, Malisa and dlunk horny rori!"

Upon the mentioning of their mispronounced names, Reimu, Marisa and Suika waltzed into the throne room. Reimu and Marisa were disputing silently over who should be leading this waltz, while Suika just wobbled around trying to waltz by herself. Finally, after a loop of Green-Eyed Jealousy, the three made it in front of the throne along with the rest of the crowd. "Reimu, you know that I should be the one leading," Marisa complained.

"You couldn't lead a legion of nigger cocks, hija de puta," Reimu retorted.

"Now, now! I will have order in this room!" Remilia demanded. The thing is, the room was rather loud, and no one really paid attention to Remilia's orders other than her slutty maid. What quieted the room was a rather loud rumbling sound that could only come from an oni.

Suika belched a loud, smelly belch. Her breath stung with alcohol and whatever nastiness grew in her maw from not having brushed her teeth that day. Everyone else in the room felt queasy and suddenly became quiet. "Sorry aboat that," Suika said afterward. "It's been in me gut for some toime nuw, and Oi could foinally get it oat."

Remilia finished puking over her throne. She turned around and sat back down. "Ok, now that everyone has their undivided attention to me," she orated. "Patchouli, please tell me what you know about the recent incident."

"Thank you, Lady Scarlet," Patchouli responded while curtseying. "After taking down a posse of these 'teh raep monsters' as I've heard them called, my colleague, Koakuma, and I performed an autopsy on their corpses, complete with a good deal of sampling and testing." Marisa frowned at Patchy stealing something from her: credit where credit's due. Patchouli continued, "We've had some grand findings. First off, the specimens we've gathered are simply members of the species _Tsukuogamum karakasa_."

"In English, cunt mouth?" Reimu sneered.

"That means that they are run-off-the-mill umbrella youkai," Patchouli answered. "There seems to be no physical infection or organic abnormality on their part, so the cause must be psychological or ideological."

Marisa understood the purple witch's sesquipedalianisms, being of similar school of thought as her. She responded, "So what you're saying is that these rapebrellas are going around raping people for the lulz?"

"That's a good name for them," Suika butted in. "Rapebrellas. That word sloides off the tongue loik a foin saké."

"Anyway," Patchouli continued. "I will need to find a live specimen and examine it for further insight."

"Leave that shit to someone who knows what the fuck they're doing, ya ass-sniffing Pharisee!" Reimu interjected.

"So, pretty much what we need to do is find these rapebrellas," Sakuya said with a wink. "and take care of them!"

"Exactly," Remilia responded. "With that, Sakuya-san, I'll leave you with the responsibility to help settle this incident."

Sakuya's eyes lit up. Finally, she gets to solve incidents again, after that green-haired bitch from Youkai Mountain had been stealing her thunder for the past two games. She stopped time to gather her knives and her badass scarf, returning with them shown for all in the throne room to see. "I will gladly serve you on my quest, Mistress." Sakuya said with a bow. "I will leave as soon as possible, but first I would like to go suck some co- I mean, make sure my subordinates stay in order during my bye."

Everyone in the room saw Sakuya disappear using her time magic in complete silence. Remilia sipped her blood tea while everyone else looked around the room as if they were unsure what was going to happen next. "Wait moment," Meiling broke the silence. "Who lead Lapeblerra peopre?"

Another moment of silence emanated throughout the throne room. "Good question," Marisa responded.

"I'll just go fucking murder some sodomite youkai until one of the sorry sons of bitches spills their shit," Reimu told everyone with a swing of her gohei.

"Actually, I think I know who we should consult first," Marisa said trying to calm Reimu down. "You know that old youkai who always carries around her umbrella?"

"That gap whore who didn't wanna protect my _pinche_ shrine?" Reimu answered.

"No, the other one."

Reimu thought for a moment, completely dazed and confused. Then she suddenly had an epiphany. "Let's blow this shit shithole like that PAD maid blows dicks," she said while running toward the knocked-down throne room doors. Marisa and Suika followed her to help out. "Hey, you no go with no escort!" Meiling shouted while trying to catch up with the trio.

Now, Patchouli, Remilia and Koakuma remained. Remilia continued to sip her tea, while Patchouli grabbed the top book from her assistant's stack and opened it to a random page and stood there studying until the four most recent departed were outside of the Scarlet Devil Mansion gates.


	5. Chapter 5: Old Vets

Four karakasae hyperventilated while leaning on the ground of the mansion wall. Meanwhile, the blonde guard lied on the ground with her red dress torn and soiled. One umbrella youkai on the wall was shimmying up her panties at a casual pace while attempting to recollect herself. "This is a great idea," she huffed between gasps catching for air. "I can't believe I haven't thought of it myself!"

"Yeah, good thing the Red Eye told us of it," another accompanying rapebrella replied while zipping and buttoning his blue jeans. "She can be a real creative type sometimes, ya know." A third karakasa lifted her hands from her knees and her rear from the wall. She looked up and dug a hand into her hair to rub her scalp. Upon the sight of three aerial figures in the sky, her eyes widened, and her jaw dropped. "Guys, guys!" she attempted to agitate her cohorts to her level while waving her arms repeatedly. "It's the two youkai hunters! We best get!"

"So what about a pair of youkai hunters?" the jeans-clad umbrella retorted. "We can take them on. I'll have my second wind in a moment!"

"You don't understand. We're talking about the Goddamn Raymoo... and that inexplicably sexy slutty witch!"

"Bah, why do I have to worry about those... two... silly... humans...?" The lone karakasa noticed how his posse fled for the hills. He then turned his eyes to the unconscious guard. Now knowing what to do, he grabbed the guard's large white hat and flew off in one of any which way.

"Jesus bedsore-fucking Christ!" Reimu screamed after dodging a fast-spinning and fast-approaching scythe. "Does that shitty apple have to fling that dildo every time we see that Cthulu-forsaken ike-boner?"

"That almost hit me loike a brick, or a shot of vodka," Suika concurred. "Which soands good roight aboat noe."

The trio continued to fly in the sky until they found their anticipated destination. Marisa maneuvered her broom in front of her two cohorts. She stopped in front of them to give a rallying war speech. "Oscar Kilo, my compatriot matriarchs, we're going to welcome ourselves as surprise guests to this fine lady's mansion, so we should present ourselves like the fine, sophisticated ladies we are." She reached into her magical hammer space of magic and pulled out three monocles and two top hats. "Now wear these in the household head's presence, ok, my weyas? We want to get her off her guard all horrorshow then fuck her up good and proper, capiche?"

"Since when the fuck did I take orders from a cumdumpster like you?" Reimu told her witchy friend.

"Well, it's a brilliant fool-proof plan!" Marisa then handed Reimu a top hat and a monocle. She slapped it off Marisa's hands. "I wouldn't be caught lynched like a nigger in that, concave tits."

Suika took the top hat and a monocle that was left and equipped it as a hat and an accessory. "Noe Oi's a sopishticated mentlgen... Oi mean lady." They floated down to the front door of the Kazami mansion, barely noticing the now defiled and unresponsive blonde gate guard without a big white hat and bright red dress lying next to her. The trio casually stormed the front door.

Yuuka Kazami sat at her elaborately-decorated dining room table in a plain wooden chair. She was eating a nutritious meal of sunshine and dirt laid out elaborately on a wide plate of fine clay pottery. She reached a hand out to her femininely-shaped wine glass, filled with some arcane, viscous and primarily carnal red culinary amalgam. She took the petite chalice and smirked in approval of the concoction. She then heard three knocks on the door to her beautiful flowery dining room. She turned her eyes first toward the alarm at the inner door, with the rest of her head following suit. Then her shoulders and torso and arms aligned to the flower youkai's superior anatomy. She rose from her chair in order to ascertain the cause of the alarm.

"Why in Gahenna does that decomposed shit eater move slower than the short bus?" Reimu complained to Marisa. The miko scratched her butt with her free hand while dragging her gohei on the floor with the other.

"She may seem slow," Marisa rebutted. "But I can't imagine anyone other than Sister Kazami behind this incident."

Three knocks pounded from the side of the dining room door opposite the guests. The door then creaked open, and the ultimate sadistic creature reared her head from the barrier without exposing one thread of the Royal Stewart tartan that made the immense majority of her attire. "Who comes here?" Yuuka asked calmly but inquisitively while raising an eyebrow.

"Que pasa, sister?" Marisa greeted. "Me and my droogs, Raymoo and Akius came to discuss important matters, and for a friendly visit!"

Yuuka blinked a couple times to try to give herself a moment to find words to give the unexpected guests. "Oh? Well, if that's the case, I'll try to find you three something to eat and find entertainment." She swung the door wide open to reveal the dining room and makeshift greenhouse, or the greenhouse and makeshift dining room; such a decorative appearance caused such ambiguity, and such was the case throughout most of the residence. Yuuka sat down in her previous position, while Reimu, Marisa and Suika sat at open seats adjacent. "Oy, son flor lady," Suika slurred. "Ya got any vodka?"

"Unfortunately not," the host replied. "I don't drink vodka. I prefer drinks with more flavor." She raised her glass and took another sip of the strange drink, then smiled and hummed from the flavor. "For instance, I sure love dick juice." She softly but emphatically placed her glass back on the table and crossed her legs.

"Ok, flower fucker," Reimu broke the calm ambiance with her signature aggression. "I know for a honest-to-God fact that your pussy nigga bitch ass is behind all this umbrella rape. Fess up, or I'll shank you with an icicle turd dildo."

Yuuka turned to Reimu and tilted her head slightly with a soft smile of nirvana. "I have no idea what you're talking about," she responded.

"Wait, what you're telling me is that you know nothing about the rapebrella incident that's been terrorizing all Gensokyo right now?" Marisa asked.

Yuuka's soft smile straightened as her bright red eyes widened. "Wait," the flower youkai quivered for a quantum, then immediately reverted to a delicate pique. 'What you're telling me," Yuuka sneered while leaning forward toward the visitors. "Is that there's been a lot of rape going on lately?" She reached from under the table and seemed to magically pull out her signature umbrella, which happens to also apparently be a flower. "Personally, I find this news of the unenlightened of Gensokyo to be..." She tapped her closed parasol on the table twice, then gently laid it down by the apex on the third rap. "...Unacceptable."

Marisa stood from her seat, while the other two members of the conversation continues sitting, looking onto the pair whoa re acting strangely. "Sister Kirisame," Yuuka addressed to the witch with the most subtle of head motions.

"Sister Kazami," Marisa replied. The blonde and tomboyish lady acted unusually formal in such a bright, but solemn room. "You may wear the hat for this intercourse. The floor is yours, Worshipful Sister." She took off her giant witch's hat and offered it to the flower youkai. Yuuka silently and readily accepted it, then placed it on top of her cranium like a crown. "Now, sister..." Yuuka began to orate with her umbrella planted before her vertical and between her feet like a knight standing guard with his sword drawn. She turned to Reimu and Suika. "...And poor blind women... in case no one here is informed of how I opine these kinds of circumstances, I find an ultimately non-consensual illicit carnal intercourse completely unnecessary." She straightened her posture even further. "In my personal experiences, it should be impossible for an... assertive... partner, to cause another person to be violated, if they know how to assert properly."

"Bull frickin' horse shit!" Reimu interrupted. "Sometime you just gotta rape a little bitch! That's a motherfucking fact of life!"

The room stood silent for the longest moment that could be considered a moment. Yuuka stared at the miko with a cold dead expression. She slowly paced toward Reimu with an inherently soft, but relatively pounding loud clog in each step. The sun shone brightly through the sizable east window, causing the umbrella-clad lady's shadow to overcast the clergywoman's slender form. "Now, Ms. Hakurei, would you like to elaborate on your failings as a woman on top?"

Reimu's rage caused her body to shake. Reimu gritted through her teeth, staring her stoic eyes straight at Yuuka's, "That's Sister Hakurei, you sack of shit."

Yuuka simply smiled softly and let go of her umbrella with one hand. "Now, Reimu," she said while reaching out her hand to hold Reimu's. "If you want me to see you as my sister, I advise you becoming a Master Sparker." She caught hold of the hand and presented hers and Reimu's between them. Reimu grew suspicious of Yuuka's next move. "I would love to teach you all my secrets, you cute little darling. Just say the word." Her umbrella cradling on a forearm, she stroked Reimu's hand with a loving gaze and a whimsical sigh. Reimu remained at attention and unfazed like she was guarding Scotland Yard.

Ms. Kazami lifted up Reimu's arm and pulled her into her chest. Reimu felt a rush of shock, but became quite comfortable cuddled up against Yuuka's warm soft breasts. Yuuka then dropped almost to one knee, still embracing Reimu and holding her arm up. She dug her muzzle into Reimu's bare exposed armpit. With a huff, a sigh and a lick, Reimu's head sparked, and her armpit tingled with amazing pleasurable sensations. She uncontrollably groaned in ecstasy as Yuuka helped herself to the armpit miko's armpit.

Reimu wanted more, but Yuuka at the moment only allowed a teaser. By then, the miko was blushing beet red and panting heavily. "Yuuka~" Reimu squeed. "Why'd you fuckin' stop?" She then noticed what awesome sorcery Yuuka pulled on her then snapped out of it. "What the fuck, woman? That was a horrid failure of a cock tease, I tell you the dick what!"

"Fufufu," Yuuka giggled. "Now you have experienced the art of making anyone your sexy bitch."

Marisa's jaw dropped. "Sister Yuuka, you never fail to amaze me."

Suika raised her hand up while leaning over. "Oo, oo!" She called while making a jazz hand. "Do that ta me next! Oi want me armpit sexed good!" She then fell off her chair and onto the floor.

Yuuka closed her eyes and huffed. "Now, where was I?" She told the guests. "Oh, yes. The rapebrellas! I would love to help get rid of those sons of bitches once and for all." She grabbed Marisa's hat, which was still on her head, and laid it on her heart. "With God as my witness, I will stop at nothing to make sure this incident is solved once and for all!" She then put the witch's hat back on her head. "But first, let me finish this delicious meal." She tapped her umbrella on the table, and Marisa sat down obediently. She picked up her fork and knife, then felt a sudden disturbance in the Force.

"Excuse me," she told her visitors while rising from her table. "I feel my flowers spending their power on endeavors other than the ones I assigned to them." She removed Marisa's hat and placed it on the table. "I need to ascertain the cause of this alarm." She readied her umbrella and slowly walked out of the dining room. Before she reached the door, she turned back to the trio one more time. "Oh, and by the way, I suggest you all leave now, because my mobile Venus fly traps tend to roam this room when I'm away. And they don't discriminate between living and dead food." With that warning, she passed through the door.

"I still think that cunt tooth is Rapebrella Hitler," Reimu remarked.

"Oh, don't be so concerned," Marisa reassured. "She's really a sincere person and would never violate anybody. She's just concerned that you've been denied all the best ultrasex." Marisa grabbed her hat and placed it firmly back on her head. "Come on, we needa think of another lead."

Suika wobbled back into somewhat standing next to the two humans. "Oi think we should go back to the shroine and drink some vodka," she told them.  
>Marisa sighed and Reimu grunted. "Fine," Reimu said. "I need a fucking drink."<p>

After wandering the mansion for the exit and almost make a gratuitous Jean Paul Sartre reference, our heroes finally found the front door to the Kazami mansion. Elly leaned on the gate threshold, struggling to redress herself, her face ruined from tears and other bodily fluids. She shivered and gritted with a thousand-yard stare. Reimu, Marisa and Suika finally noticed the guardian. "Yo, Elly. You look like you got jumped!"

Elly simply continued to look at the trio. Then a scythe boomeranged back, making a bulls eye right in Elly's parietal lobe. Her face kept a toothy grimace as her tears turned bloody. She gave up her spirit as her body fell on its side. "You get fucked when you try to fuck with us, bitch," Reimu said to the dead body.

Meanwhile, in a completely different part of Gensokyo...

A strange but familiar woman with a pointy blue hat marched up to a large umbrella which was leaning in submission to the brisk gale. On her magic staff perched a turtle with an old man beard. She look up at the wavering but majestic makeshift flag of a parasol with a grin that would make anyone who looked upon it grimace. "The camp of the Red eye..." she monologued while gazing upon the posted umbrella. "How very nice."

The green-haired evil spirit grabbed the umbrella and plucked it from the ground like Excalibur. "Perhaps they'll be willing to pay my price!" she orated while folding closed the umbrella. She stuffed the symbol under her dress and into her hammer space. "I'll have those barbarians kissing my feet, and maybe we'll find you something to eat, eh, Genjii?"

The turtle replied by opening his mouth and pointing at his uvula with a hiss, his free paws rubbing his rounded but empty gut. All the while, the master of magic cackled while clasping her hands like some kind of Disney villain. She suddenly felt something fleshy and hard poking her neck. Dicks popped out form every direction and pointed at her throat. She looked at the potentially sticky situation she ended up in and somehow maintained her smile and laugh. "Gentlemen, gentlemen, what a delight!" the lady in blue greeted to the horde of rapebrellas with their dicks whipped out. "To meet you all here on such a fine night!"


	6. Chapter 6: What What

Yukari Yakumo was sitting on top of her pet Mantorok through one of her gaps. She opened her fan and waved it just under her temples while looking onto the chaos she created. The ruins of the Hakurei shrine have been removed completely, and all that remained were a flat bare lot of clay and a congregation on top of it. She reached her free arm down and gave her Corpse God a soft, gentle petting. "Fufufu," she ticked. "You all did a great job on the cleanup, and you're all doing a great job on the ritual as well!"

Surrounding the gap youkai was a circle of men, all standing in what seemed like a conga line, but much, much closer. Each man grunted and thrusted with each rhythmic pace. Yukari loved the three-ring formation of guys circling her in both rotations, and she being the center. She slipped a smile behind her fan.  
>The Goddamn Raymoo, the Goddamn Marisa, and a drunk horny loli found their way to where once stood the proud Hakurei shrine. They noticed how there was a massive gay orgy consisting of three loops of man trains, one within the other, and Yukari in the center grinning like an idiot. Reimu did a back flip and landed on her feet right in front of Yukari. "All right, you unwashed ona-hole," the miko of the former shrine sneered. "What the shit is this fuck?" She swung her arm until her finger pointed to the three circles of men all having sex with each other in the anal butthole.<p>

"Oh, salutations, my little Reimu-chan," Yukari responded. "I'm just having a bit of fun while your shrine gets rebuilt." She continued to wave her fan while trying to get a good peek at Reimu's armpit. "You know very well how much I love trains."

Suddenly the looped man trains broke into song, singing "Yuka- yuka- Yukarin~" to the tune of Necrofantasia. About half of them then blew their wads into their anteriors' colons at that moment. Marisa made a stable landing for once within the three-ring circle of an epic man train. "Now, why was I not invited to this awesome party?" she asked the red-white and the gap youkai. Suika landed on her top, planting her horns into the ground. The other three girls suddenly had their attention drawn to the oni, who was exposing her bloomers for the whole world to gaze upon. "Woi is everything upsoid doan?" She slurred. "Methinks Oi had enoff ta drink!" From the bloomer shot, more loads were blown among the man trains.

"Get your faggots off my land," Reimu demanded of Yukari. Lady Yakumo responded with a chuckle, a smile and a wave. "Oh, Reimu-chan," she sighed happily. "I'm well aware that this plot is hallowed ground for the Hakurei clan. That's why I'm commemorating it. Can't you see how much pent-up spiritual energy I'm making released on this land? It's going to make an even more powerful spiritual aura for the new shrine that you'll build as a replacement." Yukari patted her free hand on Mantorok. "Isn't that right, Manty-poo?"

Mantorok growled in response. Yukari felt a rumble on her rear end and re-adjusted her skirt. "Oh, Mantorok's hungry again," she informed Reimu. "Unfortunately, I don't have any corpses to feed him. Reimu-chan, would you be a dear and get him a few on your next errand?"

"Why can't you gap some yourself?" Marisa rebutted.

"Fufufu," Yukari sniggered. "Ms. Kirisame, it's not from the heart if I just gap some corpses from just anywhere. It'll taste much better if it's from my Reimu-chan~."

"Go nick a hoebag necrophile hermit's boner-stiff sex slave," Reimu kindly suggested. She grabbed Suika by the leg and yanked her out from the ground. "And fuck off my land and fuck a faggot-eating frog, you uneasy dickgirl."

"Oy, Reimu, where's the vodka?" Suika murmured with her face on the ground.

"Right here, cockbite." Reimu had to utilize the latrine, but unfortunately, that got destroyed with the rest of the shrine. Therefore, she improvised at the moment with a drunk half-conscious youkai lying on the ground with her mouth agape. She reached up her skirt and pulled down her bloomers. By the time she was squatting over Suika's face, she grabbed the full attention of her shrine congregation and Yukari's former man train. Yukari sported a toothy grin and waved her fan in front of her. "Fufufu," she said. "Reimu-chan, it looks like our manpower wants to have a little fun with you. How's about you join in on our little festival?"

"I'd rather fucking die than take it up the ass from any of these shitting dick nipples," Reimu argued just before feeding the passed out redhead her signature vodka. "Ah, it feels damn good to make this bitch pay the rent." Reimu leaned back, resting her weight on one hand. She grabbed a horn and lifted Suika's head to make sure her aim remained on target.

Yukari looked down in disappointment for a moment. The disassembled man trains closed in on the four women. "Ok," She told the urinating miko. "If you really want it that way..." A gap opened directly underneath Reimu, Marisa and Suika, causing them all to fall within the abyss.

Yukari looked up to all the men that remained. "Hey!" She shouted while closing her fan audibly. "Did I tell any of you peons to stop loving each other in the butt?" She shut off her most recent gap and switched the orientation of her crossed legs. "Now amuse me. I am the goddess of the gaps, after all!" She reclined on one elbow while continuing to pet Mantorok.

Reimu, Marisa and Suika were gapped into a part of the universe where their magical flying loli powers meant nothing. Precisely, it was an abandoned temple in the Angkor Thom region of Cambodia. They fell for hours! Well, at least it felt like hours. Their plummet included a falling through a large, circular toothy pit walled with dark purple flesh with eyes and more mouths. Then they heard screaming. The screaming was obivously human, but the only two human souls there were silent. Not even the demon uttered a word, mostly because she was unconscious and her mouth was filled with pee. The walls darkened and darkened until pitch black palpably surrounded the trio. Eventually, they became digested and all three of them died.

Yukari made a face. Mantorok purred through the gap that the gap youkai was resting herself on. She leaned to the side and lied down on the Corpse God, nuzzling her cheek against its dry leathery skin. "I spoil you so much Manty-kins, but that's because you're my favorite pet!~" Mantorok purred in affection, and everyone came.

MEANWHILE!

Mima hung suspended about a micron higher than the elevation she usually floats. Two rapebrellas carried her along while Genjii dragged along by a leash. "So, where's a roadkill already? A turtle's gotta eat, ya know!" Genjii complained. The navy blue curtains opened revealing a majestic karakasa sitting with her legs crossed and petting an Alice-type yukkuri cradled in her other arm. Her throne consisted completely of sin sacks kneeling or on all fours to form a sizable and majestic chair. She paused forcing herself on top of one of the throne sin sacks to provide her attention to the interruption. She peered down upon the guest with condescension. "Who dares enter the camp of the mighty Red Eye?" she interrogated.

The housecarl rapebrellas dropped Mima unceremoniously, and she regained her balance, standing erect before the queen of umbrellas. "Mighty Red Eye!" she greeted the dictator. Mima encircled one of her eyes with the index and thumb of one hand. "Eye-eye-I am Mima, the great!" From under her dress burst danmaku carrying a flag labeled "MIMA" just in case she needed to make elaborate introductions. "...of the Hakurei shrine!"

Red Eye raised an eyebrow. "...And?"

Mima continued grinning like a certain apprentice of hers. She pulled out from under her sleeve a doll in the image of a bunny with floppy ears, coal black hair, a pink dress, a carrot charm on a pendant and a trollface. "I am a magician," Mima said while swinging around the bunny doll. "A sorcerer, too..." She put the plushie away and clasped her hands while leaning forward. Her pointy cap stretched into the air like an erection for a moment then retracted back to normal size. "And I'm in a position, I think," She twisted her body two and a half revolutions while corkscrewing toward the enthroned umbrella. "...to serve you!"

Red eye looked slightly surprised. "Sorcerer?" She resumed making violated the sin sack making the seat of her throne with slow bobbing.

Mima turned around in order to return to a sane standing position. She then spread out her hands and shouted "ALAKAZAM!" Bright blue flames of danmaku burst everywhere. When the spell card cleared, Mima was spinning around one of those fucking annoying homing slinky thingies that are a complete bitch to dodge and you usually have to death bomb to deal with them. "I conjure bullets..." she began while spinning it around between her co-orbiting hands. "...Charm beasts!" The stupid bullet spun very quickly, forming into a loop. "and male Touhous, too!"

Mima grabbed the bullet, which was now a ring. She grabbed the leash and yanked it. "Genjii!"

Genjii obeyed like the little bitch he is, running up to the ring being held by Mima. He leaped through the hoop hoping to come off scot free. Then he felt a strange warm sensation on his tail. It turns out, he was grazing the sumbitch homing slinky. He flew off into the hills at top speed.

Mima returned the attention to her attention whore self. "But as you will see..." she said while pulling off her frilly bra from reaching in her sleeve. "That's not all I can do!" Mima burst up a bright green barrage of more danmaku, clearing to reveal her waving around a familiar umbrella. She planted the parasol into the ground and opened it. She then posed under it like a boss. Red Eye was somewhat amused.

"I have power over people, though they may appear complex," Mima continued while doing a sexy dance. "For me, they fall," Mima pulled out a deck of spell cards and waved them over her head like a scroll. "...like playing cards, AND I CAN TROLL THE DECKS!" Suddenly, the spell cards flew everywhere. Mima frantically tried to catch them all under her control, but one flew too far away and exploded, destroying an entire fairy village. Red Eye continued her somewhat amusement.

Mima grinned an even bigger grin, as if she were spreading rumors on the Internets.. "But all this is nothing," she monologued. "For now in my hand, is the very key to the Touhou Land!" She held up a black backpack which was spewing forth light and little white pellets. "For no flying loli can take it, no matter who cares! Unless she possesses this high... responsiveness... to..." She dropped the pack which exploded into rockets and red pillars of fire. Mima finished presenting a large black and white orb before Red Eye. "...Prayers!" Mima finished.

After getting off on an unwilling piece of her throne, Red Eye stared down at the evil spirit and her offering. "You say, you can charm beasts?" She said. "TOUHOUHOHO!"

Mima responded, "Trololol."

Then Red Eye went all serious business. "Throw her to the Alice-kkuris!"

Mima was all like :( when a pair of rapebrella housecarls grabbed her to send her to a rapey doom. Genjii cackled in schadenfreude because of his colleague's fate.


	7. Chapter 7: Soul Trek

Marisa woke up in a familiar location. It looked like one of those huge plots of land where aristocrats live. The stone lanterns dimly lit the wide walkway and seemingly infinite stairway. The place seemed dead. As far as she knew, she was alone, and the last thing she remembered was falling down some pit with eyes. She reached her hand under her apron for a piece of magical chocolate that doesn't melt in one's pocket only to realize that she didn't have the chocolate. Or the pocket. Or an arm.

Marisa looked down at her current form, or more precisely, her lack thereof. She screamed in terror over what she had become. She danubed forward in whatever direction she was facing. She went up the stairs farther and farther, having a strange sense of déjà vu over what this place was.

At Hakugyokurou, Youmu Konpaku was fiddling with her sword in public. She swung the katana during an unsheathing, causing many things to be penetrated by her awesome rock-hard sword. She then noticed a lone spirit floating toward the elaborate residence she was guarding. She held her sword right in front of her, primed to unleash another onslaught of spilling bodily fluids. "Who comes here? Who comes here?"

The faint spirit continued danubing toward the mansion until screeching to a halt before the half-ghost samurai. It tried to make motions, but it was an intangible non-physical manifestation of the soul. The floating ball of energy tried to speak to the pale-skinned swordswoman. "Yo, Youmu! Oy, I'm so glad I could find you!" Marisa said.

Now, in her current state, no human being can hear Marisa talk, but fortunately, Ms. Konpaku was only half-human. She was able to listen to the deceased witch through her ghost half. She sheathed her sword, keeping her serious demeanor. "And who might you be?" she asked.

"Youmu, it's me, Marisa! Listen, I don't know what happened, but for some strange reason, I ended up like this."

Youmu planted her hands on her hips and stood up straighter. "Thought you were hot," she said while leaning forward to Marisa's eye level. "Guess what? You're not."

Marisa stood still for a moment, trying to figure out what the half-breed samurai meant by what she said.

"You brought your whole adventure to a screeching halt!" Youmu continued to lecture the spirit. She let out one finger and poked Marisa's essence with it. Stray souls gathered toward the half-ghost and formed a single-file line across the width of the path. Youmu straightened herself and took in a hefty breath. She sang in a soft but resonant mezzo-soprano:

_"Your heart has stopped, and your brain is cold._  
><em>You are so, so dead!<em>  
><em>And now your body is starting to mold.<em>  
><em>You are so so dead!"<em>

"Actually," Marisa interrupted. "I think I got eaten."

Youmu's serious but smug expression turned to one of surprise. "Oh..." Youmu shook her head spasticly as if she were shaking off something. "Well, nonetheless, you have parted from the mortal world."

"Oh, dammit!" Marisa complained. "Now I have to return all that crap I've been borrowing!" She floated over to the entrance to the Saigyouji residence in an attempt to hide from the Scarlet Devil's cronies coming to bust her nonexistent kneecaps.

Reimu Hakurei woke up in a bedroom. She had no idea where she was. The last thing she remembered was dying from that oversized scab teratoma thing she fell in special thanks to that old hag. Well, if she died, surely she's either respawned at her shrine or she's in the afterlife.

"Well fuck."

Reimu lifted her unusually heavy soul and carried it over to the elaborately-decorated sliding door. She opened it against the need to, because now she was stripped down to her spirit. She carried over to wherever another soul was. She had many questions to ask, including where exactly in the afterlife she was, if she could see her ancestors, what the powers that be are doing when they're around these parts and if there's any way to reverse this flub. Mind that Reimu has yet to leave a blood heir to the shrine, and a permanent death for her would mean the doom of Gensokyo. Fortunately, she very quickly found another soul in the residence. She heard it wolfing down on a fried drumstick.

Yuyuko Saigyouji was enjoying her chicken and waffles like she was making sweet passionate love to each bite. She washed down another plate with some grape Kool-Aid and continued on to the next batch. "Mmm, I'm sure glad that Youmu is a master at cooking up fine traditional African cuisine!"

Reimu snuck into the room after that remark with a very "The fuck she said?" mentality. She saw the other soul eating her soul food in a very suggestive manner. "Hey, dick lick!" she summoned the ghost.

Yuyuko choked on a bone for a moment then coughed it back out onto her plate, almost breaking it. "Youmu, I told you to only say those things to me in bed!" Yuyuko said while turning around to see that it wasn't Ms. Konpaku. "Oh, sorry," she corrected herself. "I didn't expect any guests at this time. Please, take a seat!"

Reimu lowered her formless form before the vast display of food. She became very very hungry from the sight of all the chicken and waffles as well as Yuyuko wolfing it all down starting on her immediate reach. It was like sex for the ghost. "Oh, yes!" she said between swallows and moans. "You seem familiar but I cannot put my finger on who you are. Please, introduce yourself OM NOM NOM NOM NOM!"

Reimu felt a sharp nausea from the ungodly hedonistic lady who accompanied her, not because of her hedonism but for the expense induced from it. "Use your Goddamn eyes, you blind fuck!" she ordered. "Can't your stupid ass tell that I'm Raymoo?"

A thin stream of syrup trickled from Yuyuko's lip, down her chin and between her round, massive, heaving breasts. "I can tell that irritability from anywhere!" She rubbed a piece of chicken breast into her precipice of cleavage. "Good afterlife, Sister Hakurei! I'm glad you came to visit!"

"I don't wanna dick around in this shithole," Reimu responded. "I fuckin' croaked, so now I ended up in this limbo! Now help me get my tits back or else this whole place will assfuck itself!"

"Well, I dunno... lemme see if Yukari can help you." She danubed over to a gap that always connected nearby to Yukari, because the ghost and the gap hag are each other's broskis. Looking into the gap, she saw Yukari continuing her "ritual." Now, she was naked with several Reimus from alternate dimensions, all thrusting themselves rather forcefully at the gap youkai. Yukari seemed to be in bliss, bliss and joy. Meanwhile, the man train from the area formerly known as the Hakurei shrine were falling into another gap with a huge round mouth and gnashing teeth visible from it. Yuyuko took her head back out of the gap and back into Hakugyokurou. "Well," Yuyuko told Reimu while shrugging her shoulders. "She's busy, so I don't know what to do."

Reimu wanted to choke a bitch. "Well, why don't you fuck with shit, ya lazy cunt? You can manipulate death or some silly blasphemous shit like that. "

"Ok, then, after I'm done with my chicken and waffles." Yuyuko inhaled a waffle like it was air.

"Fuck that shit, cocksucker! You're making me live again right this bitchcracking second!"

Just as Reimu was about to whip out her youkai whacking stick which she didn't actually have on her person, two more souls came into the room, one with a firm grip on the other. "Lady Yuyuko," Youmu greeted with a squirming soul in one hand. "We have an uninvited guest."

"Please, Youmu, let me go!" Marisa whined while struggling to break free from her grasp. "I don't like being constrained like this!"

"You'll learn to like it," Youmu replied sternly. Ms. Konpaku's assertiveness made Yuyuko's panties quite wet. Marisa's soul continued to squirm, catching Reimu's attention. "What the Jesus Jones?" Reimu profanded profanely. "Pisshead, how in Makai did your whore mouth get in this enema, too?"

"I died, too, ze." Marisa replied mathematically. "Remember when we were falling down that huge pit and- oooh, is that some chicken and waffles? I love me some chicken and waffles!" Marisa squeezed out of Youmu's grip with a pop and helped herself to some delicious chicken and waffles. Yuyuko gasped at someone else eating a little bit of her feast. Her eyes became all teary. "Please, don't eat my food," she begged.

Reimu's soul flared, almost turning into a flame. "You gluttonous one percent whore!" she insulted the aristocratic ghost. "It's fatass gringo clit pinchers like your pussy nigga bitch ass who hog up all the shit while ghetto ass niggas like yours fucking truly starve till they end up like that dyke and me! You are so fucking useless! Why do you get fed on your lazy ass when I can't do a goddamn thing about it?"

Yuyuko paused her otherwise incessant consumption for a moment. Her mouth stretched into a large, quivering frown, and her eyes were overflowing with tears. She sniffed once, then continued eating, stuffing her mouth with more food at a time than before. "You dumb bitch!" Reimu screamed. "Can't you keep any shit other than food in that urethra you call a skull? "

"Sister Hakurei, you shouldn't talk to the lady like that," Youmu established. "She's very, very sensitive."

By then, Yuyuko was crying twin waterfalls while stuffing her face with another slab of chicken breasts resting in a Belgian waffle. She then ran out of the kitchen with her face in her hands. Youmu sighed from the sight. "Excuse me, I need to attend to the lady."

Marisa popped up from the half-eaten pile of soul food. "What's Yuyuko up to, ze?"

Youmu was already running out of the room. She turned her head around while heading to the restroom. "She's off to puke out my meal for her then slit her wrists." With that, she ran off to tend to the emo ghost lady.

"Quezacoatl," Reimu sneered. "She really is a dumb bitch."

"I think you're a little too hard on her," Marisa replied between bites of a huge jiggly breast.

"My dick's a little too hard for such an ugly coprophagous whore!" Reimu's retort suddenly became interrupted when Youmu re-entered the room with a weeping Yuyuko in one hand and a butter knife in the other. "I told you before, Lady Yuyuko," she said. "The only honorable way to kill yourself is a good slice in the gut." She lifted Yuyuko and placed her gently before the mostly consumed chicken and waffles.

"Oh, yes," Marisa informed Yuyuko. "It would be quite nice if we were alive again. We got an incident to solve!"

"Oh, yes. The rapebrella incident," Youmu sighed. "I've heard of that. I would help on that, but as you can see, I'm a little busy with the lady." She looked over to Yuyuko, who was sucking on a fat juicy drumstick covered in its sticky maple syrup. She then looked at her feet then at her katana. It seemed to tremble with ambition under her resting palm. Youmu huffed through her nose. "Let me lock up the sharp objects and cleaning chemicals."

Youmu left the room, unleashing a guttural groan of anticipation. Marisa and Reimu looked over at the hungry ghost. "Hey, vivophile," Reimu summoned Yuyuko. "Fix us, or I'll use my horrid Satanic miko hax to transform all the Epicurean chicken and waffuckles into cow shit!"

Yuyuko pulled the drumstick out of her mouth with a pop and swished around the syrup that was in her mouth. She swallowed it in one gulp and licked a little of the syrup covering her face off a lip. "Oh, yes," she said. "Let me get to that for you guys."

Yuyuko took out a chainsaw lawnmower and formed mortal vessels out of the remaining chicken and waffles. She then used her ghost magic to make Reimu and Marisa live again. The bodies were exactly like the ones in their previous lives, as far as they could tell.

"That's some chainsaw lawnmower!" Marisa complimented.

"I know; I got it from a kappa!" Yuyuko informed. "Now good luck on your incident, girls!" Then Reimu and Marisa made their goodbyes and left Hakugyokuro for the Sanzu river.

Meanwhile, wherever the heck Mima was...

Mima stood behind a tall, flat stalagmite, using it as a makeshift podium. Before her swarmed a horde of horny, aggressive disembodied heads who all uncannily resembled Alice Margatroid if she were a rapist. They all swung their appendages upwards in the air, trying to reach out and touch Mima.

"My friends," the green-haired evil spirit orated. One yukkuri responded with an outburst of "I'll be your friend! Nhoooo!" A few spilled a wee bit of pre-custard on the floor or another yukkuri.

Mima continued. "It grieves me to see you rape on persons like me..." She stertched out her ghost tail above the crowd of pastries. she grabbed her skirt and lifted it, showing nothing but an ectoplasmic mass of a solely spiritual form. "...with no snatch!"

Thick streams of custard spewed forth from the large group of yukkuris. Mima slipped her ghost tail back under her skirt and herself before a single drop could get on her. She looked upon the roweling custard-stained crowd, loud and rumbling.

"Just do this one thing, and I won't forget:" Mima told the yukkuris. "To feed you each day a surprise!" She brought out her arms, holding onto an imaginary ball od something. "That is plump! Porky! Porchy! and fat!" Mima swung her fists forward. "FAT!" She gave the giant cow another squeeze of her milk. "FAAAAT!"

The Sanzu river splashed its murky Stygian hue against the barren uninhabitable shoreline. Marisa's shoes clopped on the wet cobblestones for sand. She felt slightly different in her renewed physical form, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Reimu, however, liked that fact that she had a bit of a gut now, even though it was surely to disappear within the week, considering her budget. They looked over the horizon into the almost sea-like river, confused as to how they would be able to navigate it to the realm of the living.

A long pole stabbed the black waters and dug into the river floor. A small but sturdy boat struggled forward. Between the two mediated a tall and imposing ferrywoman. Totally not Charon pushed her vessel toward the hereafter, flexing her sculpted arms and heaving her formidable bust. Other than two bobbles tying it into tails, her viscus-colored hair degraded into chaos from the brisk, wet winds. The ferrywoman lifted her rowing pole from the fearsome Sanzu river and pierced the surface on the opposite side of her nice boat. She gasped another wet, melancholy-tainted breath of air and bellowed another phrase with a loud and overwhelming contralto like the devil's trombones. Her ballad was in a tongue forgotten by the living, with a melody and a timbre like a Renaissance opera. Riding with her were unusually serene, if not motionless, spirits who awaited their arrival on the other side.

"Holy fucking shit!" Reimu squealed. "Whoever that sexy hunk of testosterone is making that siren call is making me so God-forsaken wet!"

"Actually, that's a chick," Marisa corrected. She squinted her golden eyes. "Yup, you can see her jibblies all the way from here."

"Ba'al," Reimu shrugged her shoulders. "Well, not like I still wouldn't hit that choice ass like an eleven in the most retarded easy-to-win not-really-gambling game in existence!"

The operatic singing became louder and louder, and the boat approached closer and closer. Finally, after a tragic tale of a pagan finding out that everything he knew was wrong effectively communicated solely through the music, the boat beat itself against the cobblestones. The ferrywoman looked down upon the two unexpected encounters without a hint of surprise and threw her rowing pole into the boat. She leaned down to render her face closer to the two embodied humans, then returned to her intimidating posture. "Sup, brahs?" She greeted Reimu and Marisa.

"Fuckin' Yggdrasil," Reimu replied. "It's What's-her-tits!"

"Hey, boobie lady!" Marisa salutated. "It sure is nice of you to bust in!"

Komachi grinned like a stoner. "Yeah, I didn't expect you two standing abreast when I jiggled on over here!"

"Well, we got ourselves in some rather deep cleavage," Marisa conversed. "I _oppai_ne that you help us be alive again with your nice boat. It would be a big, soft, grabbable help on our incident!"

"I'm sorry, dudes," The shinigami informed while scratching the back of her head. "I can't exactly do that kind of thing with my assets. You guys being here already violated the laws of death. You guys should get outta here before you get in serious trouble."

Marisa was already concocting a way to escape and end up in the realm of the living after unleashing some mayhem. Reimu grumbled. She was still rather riled up for a good sexing and on top of that, at this rate, she might never be able to live again. Now Gensokyo as anyone knew it was about to die from alcohol poisoning. Komachi looked around and noticed that the souls on her boat were paying no attention to the interruption from their arrival into the afterlife. She leaned down and put a hand to the side of her mouth. "But I think I can make an exception," she whispered. "That is if you give me a little something." She looked around to make sure no one was listening other than the miko and the witch. She then continued, "Well, a hundred little things to be exact. I really could use some coins. Or rings. Or apples; those sell for serious dough, especially those weird Australian ones that bandicoots seem to have on them all the time."

"Mustache ride a wap," Reimu grunted. "Do I look like the kind of cocksucker who has a hundred lizard dick coins?" The red-white was primed to choke a bitch.

"I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a resurrection today," Marisa tried to negotiate. The shinigami just shook her head and motioned the passengers off the boat.

Reimu and Marisa turned their heads toward each other locking eyes. Marisa grinned and nodded, then Reimu nodded in response, sporting irritation on her moniker. The turned back to the nice boat and struck a stance for an epic battle. To be completely honest, even though they could bet their life that they knew what each other was thinking, it was unfortunately not the case.

Marisa pulled out a rather unorthodox but classic spell card known as Fist Sign: "Punch to the Face" and activated it right on the shinigami's eyes. Her eyes are up there. Reimu did a back flip and grabbed an unboarding tengu's soul. This would make a great flail for sicking the smackdown on anyone who stopped her.

Marisa stepped on an unconscious and nosebleeding Komachi's chest with the rowing pole in her hands. She had to concentrate herself for this to work. "Reims!" She summoned. Reimu was swinging the soul like a lasso, and she beat it on the ground upon hearing her colleague's calling. "Get on this boat! We're outta here like Mexican food!"

Reimu smacked other souls out of her way using the tengu's and leaped onto the boat, stomping Komachi in the ta-tas. "Ok, fag fister, how the dicks are we getting outta this compost heap made of bacula?"

"Just let me concentrate, now," Marisa reassured her miko compatriot. Reimu had her arms down, unfortunately refusing to show off her delicious axillae. As for the spirit in her hand, she was submerged about halfway into the Sanzu, struggling to swim up for air. After a moment, it finally popped up from the surface, faintly shouting "Ayayayayaya!" For a living soul to be able to hear a dead one, that's pret-ty flipping loud. Reimu instinctually responded to the noise by shoving the spirit down back under the black, murky, almost viscous waters.

Marisa pointed the rod toward the hereafter. She concentrated and thought of her dear lover, Yuugi Hoshiguma. She had a vivid memory of her bold, her red oni eyes, her smug but charming smile, her fine, toned body, those muscles! She thought of the large blonde oni's long, hard, majestic horn and her large, firm breasts. She imagined kissing them at the nipples then running her mouth down her torso down to her Chinese penis trap of a snatch secreting a fine, aged Chardonnay. The witch licked her lips, imagining a dangerous, but exhilarating 69 that one can only do with such a unicorn youkai. Then she remembered that she needed to recite the incantation.

"MASTER SPARK!"

A beam of raw energy burst forth from the rowing pole, propelling Marisa and Reimu toward life. Strangely enough, the boat did not accompany their journey. Ms. Onozuka woke up to find two living humans and a dead tengu riding right on top of her. She fell head-first into the Sanzu river, skidding a few times, then becoming a makeshift raft, keeping all the passengers afloat thanks to her massive floatation devices.

"Holy fucking shit," Reimu shouted from suddenly riding the shinigami. "What the Jesus is that pinche boat doing just farting around and being sodomized by your lasers that butt in from behind?"

"It wasn't exactly as I calculated," Marisa shouted back. "But It's more awesome!"

Komachi lifted her head up and shook the water off her face. "Totally, dudes!" She screamed. "I need get back on my boat!"

"No, Komachi," Marisa responded. "You ARE the boat!"

And then Komachi was a boat.

Reimu gnawed on the squirming tengu soul. She loved feeling it succumb to her rage, but Sister Hakurei had much more rage pent up in her. The soul stretched, bent, smashed, was molested until it had a very gooey consistency. Then the miko stretched it out in an infuriated attempt to tear the thing in half.

Marisa needed to find a way to make this ride more awesome, because that's what Marisa does, motherfucker. She decided to aim her Master Spark right into the Sanzu River! Her line of fire lowered, attacking the murkiness below them.

Reimu was about to snap the tengu in half when suddenly she felt the ferrywoman below her jerk upward. This caused her harms to slip and j-j-j-jam it in. The spirit continued to struggle to break free a good way inside Reimu, which felt absolutely fantastic to the red-white. She grunted through her teeth in cathartic satisfaction, realizing that this is a better idea than just tearing the soul apart. Now she can really feel her scream.

Marisa continued to cruise the flying shinigami with a beautiful beam of light. Then the pole-sourced laser flickered, causing Marisa's grin to turn into a dumbstruck gaze. Finally, the energy became fully exhausted from the rowing pole. She turned her head to Reimu. "Uh..." she said. "We have a problem."

"YEAH!" Reimu grunted while rendering the tengu spirit violated. "Grovel, you little shit, grovel!" Reimu, Marisa, and Komachi descended, approaching the living shoreline fast. The witch grabbed onto Komachi's boobies for dear life. Falling at terminal velocity, the crash-landing into the shoreline kicked up dirt and grass and left a meteorite-like divot. Komachi ended up with her head lodged into the ground and her body dangling from it like a stiffy.

Reimu and Marisa felt the hard impact of hitting the earth, then bounced high into the air once again. Reimu came from shoving the tengu's entire soul into her vagina of doom. The duo saw a familiar dormant geyser ahead, calculating that they were to fall into it. They would have anticipated all their effort of becoming alive again to be for naught if it weren't for the fact that Reimu was recovering for an intense orgasm and Marisa is a lunatic. Down the hole the heroes of Gensokyo went.


End file.
